Alright ladies and gentlemen, today's post is a little bit hard to put the right words to. I'm going to start off with a couple of questions. Have any of you ever needed to help your spouse to feel better about himself or herself? How do you approach that situation? How did you help them? What are some things that you need to watch out for when you're trying to help them? Well, I have been in that situation and I'm here to tell you that it's not very easy. It is however extremely important that you try to help them to feel better about who they are. Now, I'm no psychologist but I have been able to help my wife in small ways by using a couple of steps to help her to feel more confident. Here are the steps that I use to do that.
The first step that I use it is researching ways to help her feel good about herself. I have looked at many articles and blogs with this goal in mind. We have access to the largest database in history just by getting on our computers and smartphones, so I use it! Some of the things that I have found that have helped me to help Brandi are telling her when she does well with a project, telling her when I think that she looks good (which is always), and letting her be the one to get things done.
There are many people out there who tear themselves down when they think that they have failed to accomplish something. They convince themselves that they can't do anything and that they are just failures. The best way to help these people is to let them know that even though they may have messed up is to help them to see it does not matter. Everybody messes up, but what matters is whether you let it defeat you or you let it teach you how not to do it the next time around. Just be a good support.
Tell them that they look good and mean it! The key to letting someone know that you think that they look good is to be sincere. If you are just saying empty words, they will know. Especially if they are anything like my Brandi, because she knows me too well and can see right through me. The flip side to that is if you are sincere they can tell, and it really helps to make them feel good about themselves.
Letting them be the ones to get things done is HUGE. They have to be able to believe in them selves. If you never let them fail then they will never be able to succeed either. Let your wife do things for herself. I understand that you want to be all manly and not make your wife lift a finger, but more often than not it is detrimental to her feelings of self worth. So, let her do it if she wants to!
The second step that I use to help my wife is by telling her that she is doing well as she is performing a specific task. For example, Brandi was being the best wife ever (as always) and packed our whole apartment when we were getting ready to move. Unfortunately I had to work full time and didn't have much time to help with packing. Whenever I was around while she was packing boxes I did my best to remind her of how good of a job she was doing. The result? She went complete beast mode and packed the entire house! There was no way that we could have left on the day that we needed to if she didn't succeeding in packing the house.
The third step is probably the hardest for me because, after all, I am pretty stubborn sometimes. I think that it is the Cochenour (pronounced coke-an-hour) in me. This step is the step of letting her give the orders. I ask her what she wants done and then I do it her way. When I do this she is completely in charge. Brandi is a strong woman who knows what she likes and how she likes it done. The problem in this process is that I just take control of a lot of things and don't give her a say. She needs to have a say. If she does not feel like she has any control, then how is she going to feel like she can get things accomplished? The answer is that she cannot. She needs to give out the orders sometimes.
The fourth is the final step, and I personally think the most important one, your spouse needs to know that she is loved no matter what. Yes I am talking about unconditional love. She can burn every meal from now to eternity or lack the physical strength to lift a box that is stored in the closet but, she needs to know without a doubt that your love for her is not based or her performance. No matter how good she is at cleaning the house or how much she knows about football you will never love them less for her weaknesses. I have a favorite scripture. It is in The Book of Mormon, the reference is Ether 12:27. The second sentence in this verse is the one that I really want to focus on. The sentence says: "I give unto men weakness that they may be humble". The Lord is literally saying that He has given us our weaknesses, they are a gift from Him! Do not ever let your spouse think that she is less than someone else because she has weaknesses that the other person doesn't have. Everybody has different strengths and weaknesses. Let your spouse know that she is supposed to be imperfect, that is what makes her perfect for you! We all have things to learn and weaknesses to build up and strengthen, that is why we are here. Her imperfections, like yours, are gifts from a loving God, she should be glad that she has them.
Love your spouse, and help her to see the awesomeness that she already possesses! She is not perfect but that is great! She can do what ever she wants to, maybe with or maybe without help. The important thing is that she tries and that you support her unconditionally. Let her know that she is doing well, and lift her up when she falls down. Marriage is the best! I love helping my wife when she needs it and I love asking her for help when I need it! Help each other out this week, and lift each others confidence. Let me know what you thought of this post. Nobody has left a comment yet! What is up with that!? What do you to do help your spouse to feel better about them self? Let me know what you think and how you feel! My next post will be on February 8th, 2016 so hop on then to see what I will talk about next!
Thanks everyone!
The first step that I use it is researching ways to help her feel good about herself. I have looked at many articles and blogs with this goal in mind. We have access to the largest database in history just by getting on our computers and smartphones, so I use it! Some of the things that I have found that have helped me to help Brandi are telling her when she does well with a project, telling her when I think that she looks good (which is always), and letting her be the one to get things done.
There are many people out there who tear themselves down when they think that they have failed to accomplish something. They convince themselves that they can't do anything and that they are just failures. The best way to help these people is to let them know that even though they may have messed up is to help them to see it does not matter. Everybody messes up, but what matters is whether you let it defeat you or you let it teach you how not to do it the next time around. Just be a good support.
Tell them that they look good and mean it! The key to letting someone know that you think that they look good is to be sincere. If you are just saying empty words, they will know. Especially if they are anything like my Brandi, because she knows me too well and can see right through me. The flip side to that is if you are sincere they can tell, and it really helps to make them feel good about themselves.
Letting them be the ones to get things done is HUGE. They have to be able to believe in them selves. If you never let them fail then they will never be able to succeed either. Let your wife do things for herself. I understand that you want to be all manly and not make your wife lift a finger, but more often than not it is detrimental to her feelings of self worth. So, let her do it if she wants to!
The second step that I use to help my wife is by telling her that she is doing well as she is performing a specific task. For example, Brandi was being the best wife ever (as always) and packed our whole apartment when we were getting ready to move. Unfortunately I had to work full time and didn't have much time to help with packing. Whenever I was around while she was packing boxes I did my best to remind her of how good of a job she was doing. The result? She went complete beast mode and packed the entire house! There was no way that we could have left on the day that we needed to if she didn't succeeding in packing the house.
The third step is probably the hardest for me because, after all, I am pretty stubborn sometimes. I think that it is the Cochenour (pronounced coke-an-hour) in me. This step is the step of letting her give the orders. I ask her what she wants done and then I do it her way. When I do this she is completely in charge. Brandi is a strong woman who knows what she likes and how she likes it done. The problem in this process is that I just take control of a lot of things and don't give her a say. She needs to have a say. If she does not feel like she has any control, then how is she going to feel like she can get things accomplished? The answer is that she cannot. She needs to give out the orders sometimes.
The fourth is the final step, and I personally think the most important one, your spouse needs to know that she is loved no matter what. Yes I am talking about unconditional love. She can burn every meal from now to eternity or lack the physical strength to lift a box that is stored in the closet but, she needs to know without a doubt that your love for her is not based or her performance. No matter how good she is at cleaning the house or how much she knows about football you will never love them less for her weaknesses. I have a favorite scripture. It is in The Book of Mormon, the reference is Ether 12:27. The second sentence in this verse is the one that I really want to focus on. The sentence says: "I give unto men weakness that they may be humble". The Lord is literally saying that He has given us our weaknesses, they are a gift from Him! Do not ever let your spouse think that she is less than someone else because she has weaknesses that the other person doesn't have. Everybody has different strengths and weaknesses. Let your spouse know that she is supposed to be imperfect, that is what makes her perfect for you! We all have things to learn and weaknesses to build up and strengthen, that is why we are here. Her imperfections, like yours, are gifts from a loving God, she should be glad that she has them.
Love your spouse, and help her to see the awesomeness that she already possesses! She is not perfect but that is great! She can do what ever she wants to, maybe with or maybe without help. The important thing is that she tries and that you support her unconditionally. Let her know that she is doing well, and lift her up when she falls down. Marriage is the best! I love helping my wife when she needs it and I love asking her for help when I need it! Help each other out this week, and lift each others confidence. Let me know what you thought of this post. Nobody has left a comment yet! What is up with that!? What do you to do help your spouse to feel better about them self? Let me know what you think and how you feel! My next post will be on February 8th, 2016 so hop on then to see what I will talk about next!
Thanks everyone!
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