There are times during a marriage that you will question why you married who you married. It is not because you do not think that they are still the right one, it is more because it is human nature to question your decisions. It is times like these that I try and remember my days as a not married man and what I was looking for in a spouse. I have learned that it is not bad to question my decision in who I married because it is completely normal! At the end of the day I know that I picked the right one, here is why.
Before you get married you ought to have at least some kind of idea about what traits and qualities you want in your spouse. For some it is just a knowledge of attributes that you like and dislike. For others it is a very specific list of qualifications. I was a mixture of both, I even had a pretty long list of qualities that I wanted in my future eternal companion. There was one event that made me change my list completely, that is a day that I will never forget.
I was wrapping up my time as a full time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Every missionary that was getting ready to go home was invited in to have an interview with the Mission President, the man that oversees all of the missionaries in your mission and is in charge of their spiritual welfare as well as various other aspects of their lives. Anyway, it was my turn to be interviewed by my Mission President. He invited me in to his office and asked me to have a seat. Once I did we began the interview with a prayer so that our conversation could be directed by the Holy Ghost. When the prayer ended he began to ask me a series of questions about my future goals. What I wanted my career to be, how I was going to stay active in the church, and how I was going to know when I had found the woman that I was going to marry. We'll skip over the first two subjects, simply because they are not why we are here. The third subject that we spoke about, how I was going to know when I found the right one, went something like this. I had a list of around 30 attributes when I walked in to that interview. After telling my Mission President a couple of them he began to give me some advice. The thing that really amazed me was just how simple it was to know when you have found the one. He told me that I should condense my list down to five attributes. The key to these five attributes was that they were to be things that I needed my wife to have, to keep me being the person that I wanted and needed to be. They were also non negotiable, meaning if someone that I was dating didn't poses all five attributes then she was not the one. I was advised not to cheat myself, to stick to it and demand all five. It sounds a little bit harsh, but I believe with all of my heart that it led me to the amazing woman that I have in my life today.
The most important thing for me was the size of the list. If you have more that ten attributes that you demand that somebody has before you will marry them, odds are that you will be looking for a long time. However, five attributes is perfect. Think about it, there are enough that you can narrow it down to somebody specific, but few enough that you don't need to find a robot specifically programmed to your qualifications to actually get them all! It also makes you really think about what is most important to you. You can't really just throw down "must be shorter than me" because you are probably sacrificing something much more important for that simple preference.
I am not going to tell you all of the things on my list, but I will tell you two of them. The very first thing on my list was that she must put God above man. Meaning that she needed to live her life in a way that pleases God, regardless of what the world thinks. To this day if I randomly decided that I didn't feel the same way and started living in a way contrary to the Gospel, I know that Brandi would have a very hard time with that and do everything in her power to help me to come back. If I didn't, I know that she would try everything to get me back on track, but she would be heart broken. I love that about her. The second item on my list that she must treat her family well. The reason for this is that one day I will be her family, as will my children. I need a woman who will treat our family with respect and love. I feel like if she can't do that with her own family, she won't be inclined to do so with our family either. Once again, Brandi is wonderful with her family. She is wonderful with me and I have no doubt that she will be wonderful with our future children as well.
When my Mission President told me to condense my list to five things I did not come up with all five in the same sitting. As a matter of fact it took me about a week to come up with them. I never really even stopped thinking about it during that week either. I spent a lot of time pondering what I demanded in a spouse. I prayed about it constantly. I know without a doubt that I was inspired in every one of those five attributes.
That being said, when I actually set out to find a wife I held myself to my list. Did I make some mistakes along the way? Absolutely, but I knew that somewhere out there was my future eternal companion. Most of the time I was not actively searching, I was open to a relationship and kept my eyes "peeled" for anybody that fit what I was looking for. Then along came Brandi, if you want to read our story I shared it on my very first post titled "Allow Me to Introduce Myself".
In the end every time that I reflect on my reasons for marrying Brandi, I know without a doubt that she and I are exactly where we need to be. I prayed about her, I compared her with my list, I evaluated how I felt about her, and I knew that she was the one. I have learned that by choosing who I married with careful consideration that I have nothing to fear or worry about in our future. If any of you are re evaluating your marriage, just think about why you married your spouse. For those of you who are not yet married or are looking for a spouse, I would encourage you to know what you need in a companion. Then take the necessary steps to be sure that they are the one. If you do that then when you come to the point in your marriage that you question your decision, you will know as I do, that you picked the right one and will have no reason to worry about your relationship.
Please leave a comment, tell me how you feel. Thank you for reading this post, I hope that you could gain something from it. My next post will be up on February 15th, I'll let you know now that it will go hand in hand with this week's topic! Be sure to check it out. Have a great week and remember to be good to each other, no matter what.
Before you get married you ought to have at least some kind of idea about what traits and qualities you want in your spouse. For some it is just a knowledge of attributes that you like and dislike. For others it is a very specific list of qualifications. I was a mixture of both, I even had a pretty long list of qualities that I wanted in my future eternal companion. There was one event that made me change my list completely, that is a day that I will never forget.
I was wrapping up my time as a full time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Every missionary that was getting ready to go home was invited in to have an interview with the Mission President, the man that oversees all of the missionaries in your mission and is in charge of their spiritual welfare as well as various other aspects of their lives. Anyway, it was my turn to be interviewed by my Mission President. He invited me in to his office and asked me to have a seat. Once I did we began the interview with a prayer so that our conversation could be directed by the Holy Ghost. When the prayer ended he began to ask me a series of questions about my future goals. What I wanted my career to be, how I was going to stay active in the church, and how I was going to know when I had found the woman that I was going to marry. We'll skip over the first two subjects, simply because they are not why we are here. The third subject that we spoke about, how I was going to know when I found the right one, went something like this. I had a list of around 30 attributes when I walked in to that interview. After telling my Mission President a couple of them he began to give me some advice. The thing that really amazed me was just how simple it was to know when you have found the one. He told me that I should condense my list down to five attributes. The key to these five attributes was that they were to be things that I needed my wife to have, to keep me being the person that I wanted and needed to be. They were also non negotiable, meaning if someone that I was dating didn't poses all five attributes then she was not the one. I was advised not to cheat myself, to stick to it and demand all five. It sounds a little bit harsh, but I believe with all of my heart that it led me to the amazing woman that I have in my life today.
The most important thing for me was the size of the list. If you have more that ten attributes that you demand that somebody has before you will marry them, odds are that you will be looking for a long time. However, five attributes is perfect. Think about it, there are enough that you can narrow it down to somebody specific, but few enough that you don't need to find a robot specifically programmed to your qualifications to actually get them all! It also makes you really think about what is most important to you. You can't really just throw down "must be shorter than me" because you are probably sacrificing something much more important for that simple preference.
I am not going to tell you all of the things on my list, but I will tell you two of them. The very first thing on my list was that she must put God above man. Meaning that she needed to live her life in a way that pleases God, regardless of what the world thinks. To this day if I randomly decided that I didn't feel the same way and started living in a way contrary to the Gospel, I know that Brandi would have a very hard time with that and do everything in her power to help me to come back. If I didn't, I know that she would try everything to get me back on track, but she would be heart broken. I love that about her. The second item on my list that she must treat her family well. The reason for this is that one day I will be her family, as will my children. I need a woman who will treat our family with respect and love. I feel like if she can't do that with her own family, she won't be inclined to do so with our family either. Once again, Brandi is wonderful with her family. She is wonderful with me and I have no doubt that she will be wonderful with our future children as well.
When my Mission President told me to condense my list to five things I did not come up with all five in the same sitting. As a matter of fact it took me about a week to come up with them. I never really even stopped thinking about it during that week either. I spent a lot of time pondering what I demanded in a spouse. I prayed about it constantly. I know without a doubt that I was inspired in every one of those five attributes.
That being said, when I actually set out to find a wife I held myself to my list. Did I make some mistakes along the way? Absolutely, but I knew that somewhere out there was my future eternal companion. Most of the time I was not actively searching, I was open to a relationship and kept my eyes "peeled" for anybody that fit what I was looking for. Then along came Brandi, if you want to read our story I shared it on my very first post titled "Allow Me to Introduce Myself".
In the end every time that I reflect on my reasons for marrying Brandi, I know without a doubt that she and I are exactly where we need to be. I prayed about her, I compared her with my list, I evaluated how I felt about her, and I knew that she was the one. I have learned that by choosing who I married with careful consideration that I have nothing to fear or worry about in our future. If any of you are re evaluating your marriage, just think about why you married your spouse. For those of you who are not yet married or are looking for a spouse, I would encourage you to know what you need in a companion. Then take the necessary steps to be sure that they are the one. If you do that then when you come to the point in your marriage that you question your decision, you will know as I do, that you picked the right one and will have no reason to worry about your relationship.
Please leave a comment, tell me how you feel. Thank you for reading this post, I hope that you could gain something from it. My next post will be up on February 15th, I'll let you know now that it will go hand in hand with this week's topic! Be sure to check it out. Have a great week and remember to be good to each other, no matter what.
My Brandi, with our dogs :)
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