Topic 14: How should I speak to my wife?

     What language do you use around your spouse? How should you speak to your spouse? I know that these are probably easy to answer. That does not mean that we should avoid them. So let's talk about them!

     If you have read Topic 3 this relates in some aspects to the ideas shared in that post. Basically guys you should not be a different person with or without your spouse. Speak to them the way that you speak to everyone and visa versa, if you don't swear around your spouse then don't swear around anyone. Be consistent, that builds trust.

     In addition to that, your words need to uplift your spouse. Never speak down to them. I myself sometimes say things in a tone that is perceived as degrading. I don't mean to and I apologize immediately afterward because I don't want my wife to feel like that. The important thing is being concious of how your words affect your spouse. You are a team, you chose to love and cherish them forever. Remember that next time you are about to say something that may hurt their feelings.

     The moral of the story is to be honest with your spouse. Build them up in word and action. The whole point is to help one another to become more like our Heavenly Father, speak to your spouse in such a way that they will be able to feel that.

     Rmember, happiness starts in YOUR home! Have a great end to your week!

Topic 13: Overcoming Panic Attacks

     Oh hey! I'm happy that your back! Thanks for coming!

     As promised yesterday, today's post is about how to help your spouse with a panic attack.

     Panic atracks are hard to predict. They can come from a variety of things. They usually are initiated by fear of something, when that 'thing' pops up a sense of panic ensues.

     Yesterday we talked about anxiety. In my experience panic attacks are very similar. The key difference is that instead of calming your spouse with good energy, they need to feel safe and protected. This also depends on what triggered the panic attack.

     This is what I do to help Brandi whenever she is afflicted with a panic attack.

    Just like with anxiety I pull her close and breathe deeply to help her feel a sense of calm. After that I assure her that she is safe. "I'm right here", and "I've got you" come out naturally and seem to help. In essence you need to help them to feel comforted. Make them feel safe.

     One way to do that is "vanquish" their fear. You can do this by checking for more spiders if that is what they are scared of. Assuring them that they are indoors and safe when there is a storm outside. Whatever it may be, do what you can to make them feel safe! You can do it!

     Good luck, it takes work but I believe in you. Stay safe and remember, happiness starts in YOUR home!

Topic 12: How To Help Her Anxiety

     Thank you for helping me to have the motivation to write in this blog. It really is something important to me, every time you read I feel a boost of desire to write more.
    
     Anxiety and anxiety attacks, if you or your wife haven't felt both then you have likely felt at least one. I myself am rarely a victim of anxiety because things just don't get to me. They do get to my amazing wife though, she feels anxiety frequently and sometimes in the form of an attack.

     I am in no way perfect at calming her, but I have learned some ways that I can help her to calm down.

     Let's talk first about what NOT to do. Primarily, don't lose your patience. Your spouse needs you to have calming energy. Irritation, anger, and being impatient will not help in any way. As a matter of fact it will likely make the situation worse.

     Now, here are some things that I do to uplift my wife when she is feeling anxiety.

     The number one thing is to hold her close, she needs to feel that you are there for her. Next, I try and take long and deep breaths to help her feel a sense of calm, I also will ask her to breath with me to focus on something outside of her mind. After that I help her break down what it is that is causing her duress. If she has a huge list of things to do or not enough time to do the things that she needs we will break it down into a step-by-step process.

     For example, if she has 5 minutes to brush her teeth and make her bed I will tell her that realistically it will take around one minute and thirty seconds to brush her teeth. Which leaves three and a half minutes to make the bed, which is more time than it will take to complete that task.

     Helping her to not feel overwhelmed is the only thing that helps, whatever you need to do to relieve the pressure will be successful. I will often get Brandi's list of things to do and assign myself some of the things to help her feel less burdened.
It is a simple concept, just remember to be positive and help your spouse to feel that positivity. Those are some of the ways that I help my spouse to have a grip on her anxiety.

     Our next post will be up tomorrow, it will cover a similar topic, panic attacks.

     If this was helpful or if you have any suggestions please comment, I would love some additional advice. Have a great day! Keep in mind, happiness starts in YOUR home!