Well, this is the first of the 50 Things That I Have Learned About Marriage. This is a topic that I believe every couple struggles with in some form or another.
So, why is there the need to communicate everything? In my marriage we do our best to share with eachother information about work, school, finances, church, our thoughts, emotions, what we have going on this week, and even what's happening on our Facebook account. Being newly married makes this very challenging at times! I myself have caused disruptions in our communication on countless occasions! From my lack of letting her know that I've transferred money from one bank account to another to not telling her my work schedule, and many (probably hundreds) of other occasions, I'm sure that you get the idea. Those are extremely small examples, but they are things that should be talked about and should not be overlooked! Not because your wife is controlling or invasive, but because she is your mutual partner and those things affect her, even if the only way that she is affected is in her knowledge of them. The thing is that even though they may be things that she doesn't need to know, they are things that she likes to know. Plus, I don't know about your wife but my wife remembers things much better than I do. I can't even count how many times she has reminded me to do things, that I told her I was going to do just for the sake of conversation, that I would have otherwise forgotten!
Fortunately for me Brandi is extremely patient with my lack of vision and seeing the need to share the little things with her as well as the big things. However, I am getting better. I've learned from my mistakes and now make a concious effort to tell her everything. I've also learned that communication comes with time. I've tried to figure out why I wasn't given the gift of perfect communicational skills when we signed our marriage lisence. I guess it is one of those things that we are supposed to learn?
Some of the things that I have noticed that have helped me communicate more efficiently are that there were things when we first got married that I didn't know needed to be communicated. Like that I need new socks because all of mine have holes in them. Why do I need to tell her that the bills were paid? Back to things she needs to know and things she likes to know, just tell her everything.
What I have learned about communication is that it's not something that you use on a "need to know basis", not with your spouse anyway. Your wife is your better half, she is there to help you feel better when work was rough. She is there to ask you to help with the dishes or dinner. Just like you are there to help her fall asleep when she is scared or grab her the oil because it's in the cupboard above the stove and she's too short. You have got to talk to eachother! It doesn't matter if you feel stupid or are afraid of what your spouse might think, they ALWAYS need to know what's going on. Trust me, it helps to talk and inform each other of new news or information, so open up! If you find it hard or struggle opening up then let them know so they can help you work on it!
I feel like that turned into a bit of a rant, I apologize for that. There is just one more thing that I have learned about communication that I would like to share. This is actually something that I learned from a seminar on CD that my grandparents gave us as a wedding gift. It talks about a concept called "content communication". What that means is you tell your spouse exactly what you are talking about the first time instead of expecting them to know. For example, if Brandi asks me to take out the trash directly instead of just telling me that it is full and expecting me to get the hint and do it, that's content communication! Sometimes I feel like us men just don't get it, or we want you to tell us exactly what you want us to do. There have been times that I've been completely oblivious to what someone has wanted me to do simply because when they told me that the "trash was full" I saw that it was full and agreed with them. Never did it cross my mind to take it out just because someone pointed out that it was full. Similarly, there have also been times (maybe out of my own stubbornness) that someone has told me "the trash is full" and I knew darn well that they wanted me to take it out but, I didn't let on simply because I wanted them to be straightforward with me and ask!
When it comes down to it there are two sub-topics under communication that I have really learned help improve it as a whole. The first is that everything big and small needs to be shared no matter how important it is. The second is that content communication saves us a lot of confusion and misunderstanding.
Thank you for reading this week's entry! If you even though that it was moderately interesting please share it and comment. I need your input, after all I guarantee you know something that I don't. Get on next week to see what the second thing I learned about marriage was! Have an open and communicative week!
So, why is there the need to communicate everything? In my marriage we do our best to share with eachother information about work, school, finances, church, our thoughts, emotions, what we have going on this week, and even what's happening on our Facebook account. Being newly married makes this very challenging at times! I myself have caused disruptions in our communication on countless occasions! From my lack of letting her know that I've transferred money from one bank account to another to not telling her my work schedule, and many (probably hundreds) of other occasions, I'm sure that you get the idea. Those are extremely small examples, but they are things that should be talked about and should not be overlooked! Not because your wife is controlling or invasive, but because she is your mutual partner and those things affect her, even if the only way that she is affected is in her knowledge of them. The thing is that even though they may be things that she doesn't need to know, they are things that she likes to know. Plus, I don't know about your wife but my wife remembers things much better than I do. I can't even count how many times she has reminded me to do things, that I told her I was going to do just for the sake of conversation, that I would have otherwise forgotten!
Fortunately for me Brandi is extremely patient with my lack of vision and seeing the need to share the little things with her as well as the big things. However, I am getting better. I've learned from my mistakes and now make a concious effort to tell her everything. I've also learned that communication comes with time. I've tried to figure out why I wasn't given the gift of perfect communicational skills when we signed our marriage lisence. I guess it is one of those things that we are supposed to learn?
Some of the things that I have noticed that have helped me communicate more efficiently are that there were things when we first got married that I didn't know needed to be communicated. Like that I need new socks because all of mine have holes in them. Why do I need to tell her that the bills were paid? Back to things she needs to know and things she likes to know, just tell her everything.
What I have learned about communication is that it's not something that you use on a "need to know basis", not with your spouse anyway. Your wife is your better half, she is there to help you feel better when work was rough. She is there to ask you to help with the dishes or dinner. Just like you are there to help her fall asleep when she is scared or grab her the oil because it's in the cupboard above the stove and she's too short. You have got to talk to eachother! It doesn't matter if you feel stupid or are afraid of what your spouse might think, they ALWAYS need to know what's going on. Trust me, it helps to talk and inform each other of new news or information, so open up! If you find it hard or struggle opening up then let them know so they can help you work on it!
I feel like that turned into a bit of a rant, I apologize for that. There is just one more thing that I have learned about communication that I would like to share. This is actually something that I learned from a seminar on CD that my grandparents gave us as a wedding gift. It talks about a concept called "content communication". What that means is you tell your spouse exactly what you are talking about the first time instead of expecting them to know. For example, if Brandi asks me to take out the trash directly instead of just telling me that it is full and expecting me to get the hint and do it, that's content communication! Sometimes I feel like us men just don't get it, or we want you to tell us exactly what you want us to do. There have been times that I've been completely oblivious to what someone has wanted me to do simply because when they told me that the "trash was full" I saw that it was full and agreed with them. Never did it cross my mind to take it out just because someone pointed out that it was full. Similarly, there have also been times (maybe out of my own stubbornness) that someone has told me "the trash is full" and I knew darn well that they wanted me to take it out but, I didn't let on simply because I wanted them to be straightforward with me and ask!
When it comes down to it there are two sub-topics under communication that I have really learned help improve it as a whole. The first is that everything big and small needs to be shared no matter how important it is. The second is that content communication saves us a lot of confusion and misunderstanding.
Thank you for reading this week's entry! If you even though that it was moderately interesting please share it and comment. I need your input, after all I guarantee you know something that I don't. Get on next week to see what the second thing I learned about marriage was! Have an open and communicative week!
No comments:
Post a Comment