Topic 14: How should I speak to my wife?

     What language do you use around your spouse? How should you speak to your spouse? I know that these are probably easy to answer. That does not mean that we should avoid them. So let's talk about them!

     If you have read Topic 3 this relates in some aspects to the ideas shared in that post. Basically guys you should not be a different person with or without your spouse. Speak to them the way that you speak to everyone and visa versa, if you don't swear around your spouse then don't swear around anyone. Be consistent, that builds trust.

     In addition to that, your words need to uplift your spouse. Never speak down to them. I myself sometimes say things in a tone that is perceived as degrading. I don't mean to and I apologize immediately afterward because I don't want my wife to feel like that. The important thing is being concious of how your words affect your spouse. You are a team, you chose to love and cherish them forever. Remember that next time you are about to say something that may hurt their feelings.

     The moral of the story is to be honest with your spouse. Build them up in word and action. The whole point is to help one another to become more like our Heavenly Father, speak to your spouse in such a way that they will be able to feel that.

     Rmember, happiness starts in YOUR home! Have a great end to your week!

Topic 13: Overcoming Panic Attacks

     Oh hey! I'm happy that your back! Thanks for coming!

     As promised yesterday, today's post is about how to help your spouse with a panic attack.

     Panic atracks are hard to predict. They can come from a variety of things. They usually are initiated by fear of something, when that 'thing' pops up a sense of panic ensues.

     Yesterday we talked about anxiety. In my experience panic attacks are very similar. The key difference is that instead of calming your spouse with good energy, they need to feel safe and protected. This also depends on what triggered the panic attack.

     This is what I do to help Brandi whenever she is afflicted with a panic attack.

    Just like with anxiety I pull her close and breathe deeply to help her feel a sense of calm. After that I assure her that she is safe. "I'm right here", and "I've got you" come out naturally and seem to help. In essence you need to help them to feel comforted. Make them feel safe.

     One way to do that is "vanquish" their fear. You can do this by checking for more spiders if that is what they are scared of. Assuring them that they are indoors and safe when there is a storm outside. Whatever it may be, do what you can to make them feel safe! You can do it!

     Good luck, it takes work but I believe in you. Stay safe and remember, happiness starts in YOUR home!

Topic 12: How To Help Her Anxiety

     Thank you for helping me to have the motivation to write in this blog. It really is something important to me, every time you read I feel a boost of desire to write more.
    
     Anxiety and anxiety attacks, if you or your wife haven't felt both then you have likely felt at least one. I myself am rarely a victim of anxiety because things just don't get to me. They do get to my amazing wife though, she feels anxiety frequently and sometimes in the form of an attack.

     I am in no way perfect at calming her, but I have learned some ways that I can help her to calm down.

     Let's talk first about what NOT to do. Primarily, don't lose your patience. Your spouse needs you to have calming energy. Irritation, anger, and being impatient will not help in any way. As a matter of fact it will likely make the situation worse.

     Now, here are some things that I do to uplift my wife when she is feeling anxiety.

     The number one thing is to hold her close, she needs to feel that you are there for her. Next, I try and take long and deep breaths to help her feel a sense of calm, I also will ask her to breath with me to focus on something outside of her mind. After that I help her break down what it is that is causing her duress. If she has a huge list of things to do or not enough time to do the things that she needs we will break it down into a step-by-step process.

     For example, if she has 5 minutes to brush her teeth and make her bed I will tell her that realistically it will take around one minute and thirty seconds to brush her teeth. Which leaves three and a half minutes to make the bed, which is more time than it will take to complete that task.

     Helping her to not feel overwhelmed is the only thing that helps, whatever you need to do to relieve the pressure will be successful. I will often get Brandi's list of things to do and assign myself some of the things to help her feel less burdened.
It is a simple concept, just remember to be positive and help your spouse to feel that positivity. Those are some of the ways that I help my spouse to have a grip on her anxiety.

     Our next post will be up tomorrow, it will cover a similar topic, panic attacks.

     If this was helpful or if you have any suggestions please comment, I would love some additional advice. Have a great day! Keep in mind, happiness starts in YOUR home!

Topic 10: Why am I so weird!?

     Alright guys and gals, let's get a little bit crazy this week. Firstly I want to say, I am a little bit strange. Ask my wife, she'll tell you. Being married has made me notice the little things that I didn't even know that I did that are just, well, weird! Let's talk about how your quirks play into your relationship. Here we go!

      I am going to open up to you guys right now, you are about to learn some of my weird habits. Please, feel free to poke fun at my weirdness.

     I never noticed this before Brandi pointed it out, but how do you guys fold your clothes? I fold my shirts in half and line up the sleeves. Then I fold them into thirds and put them away like that! I also fold my pants in half across the waist. I then fold them into thirds length wise. Once again, that's just how I do it! I don't know why. What I do know is that I fold only my own cloths because we both are particular about how they are folded.

     Next up, I probably have one of the more childish ways of retorting to my wife. What I mean is, she could say something like, "Kyle, will you feed the dogs please?". To which I would likely respond "I do what I want". I do it in a playful way, most of the time I begin whatever the task is that was asked of me, it's just fun to give her a hard time you know? I frankly have no idea why I do that.

     I could go on for days with things that I do, but I'll wrap it up with this last one. The way that I make the bed. Yes, it is different that how my lovely wife does it. For me it's more about getting the bedding on the bed without wrinkles than actual functionality. I put everything on as it should go, but I usually don't tuck anything in (except the fitted sheet obviously). Brandi however likes to tuck the blanket around the bed so that it looks more clean. She also likes the sheet and blanket to be about halfway up the pillows so that her head pokes out, but she still gets full coverage. I had never even thought that much into it. As I said, if it's on the bed in the correct order and laid how it's meant to be then BOOM! It's done.

     I'm telling you these things because they are important to recognize in marriage. There is no "right" or "wrong" way of doing those things, only your way.  We are all weird in our own ways, that's what makes us unique. Be accepting! If your spouse does things a different way than how you would do them, you ought to laugh about it. You married that weirdo. Enjoy them! Marriage has enough stress without picking each other apart for such small and silly things. Laugh a little. That is my advice.

     Have a great day! Don't forget, happiness starts in YOUR home!

This was on our wonderful honeymoon!

Topic 8: How Can I Recognize Her Good Qualities?

     Welcome back everybody! I hope that all is going well for you. With all sincerity though, each of you matter to me. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. If at any time you have a request for a topic feel free to ask. I can alter my posts if you would like!

     Today's topic relates closely to topic 5: Why did I pick this one? Today's topic is: How can I recognize her good qualities?  I know for sure that marriage is not the easiest thing in the world. In fact, it's probably one of the hardest! Time goes by, along with life events, and you change. She changes. What's important really truly is that you take the time and make the effort to see the good in each other through those changes.

     The question is how, how do you see the good in your spouse when they are so different from the person that you married? I think that the answer lies within the idea of one word. Perspective. The reality is, if you expect your spouse to never change, you will be disappointed. We all change over time! With new experiences comes new knowledge which leads to a new way of thinking and ultimately, a new way of being. Understand that, don't try and be the same forever. Don't expect your spouse to do the same. What you should expect however, is change! As change occurs think about what you love about your spouse. It may or may not be different from something that you loved about them when you started your relationship.

     The point is to love the change. Accept that and then move past it. Focus on the good in your spouse. The key to recognizing a persons good qualities is to make a conscious effort to review the things that you like about them. Think about the little things that make you smile. Ask yourself, what do I like about my spouse? Be serious about it. If you don't think about what you enjoy about your spouse how do you plan to keep your relationship happy? Write down your thoughts in answer to these questions if you feel inclined to.

     The flip side to that is don't focus on the negative. Everybody has something negative about them (except me, but really). The only thing that comes from focusing on the bad things are bad feelings. Negatives are to be talked about and resolved. Positives are to be admired and embraced. That is what is important in seeing the good in anybody, especially the person that you spend all of your time with.

So when you find yourself asking, what good qualities does my spouse even have? Read this post, hopefully it can help you figure out how to answer that question.

Thanks for being part of this post! Let me know what you think!

Remember, happiness starts in YOUR home.

 Don't mind my goofy smile :)